Regret # 5

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Author’s comments….

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Following are my comments….

This is usually a difficult one to understand, especially when in the midst of difficult, depressing situations we think….”This will never end.” But I understand that fear…it is a killer. Fear of being uncomfortable. Whether it’s about being truthful about thoughts and feelings or taking risks to make changes…. it’s always more comfortable to just pretend all is o.k. I can’t help but think about the frog who falls in a pot of water on the stove. It is gradually getting warmer and wamer until it the water boils and cooks the poor guy to death. That’s what happens to us in our lives.

It took me 30 years of working hard on myself to remove the blocks to true happiness in my life. Being authentic, taking risks and living fully is what fertilizes happiness for me. I have many stories to tell but today I’m led to ask you what you think about …..

Regret #5, I wish that I had let myself  be happier.

1. What keeps you from being happy?

2. What do you tell yourself about your life situations?

3. Who do you blame for your unhappiness or do you take responsibility for you part in the matter?

I think that’s enough for today. Take a risk and respond…you may grow from it!!!

 

More about #4 Regret

Regret #4…….I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

There’s a couple of things I neglected to mention before, that I think are important.

We can’t force anyone to be our friend. But we can do our best to be a good friend to those whose company we enjoy. If for some reason a person is not interested in a friendship, we need to be sensitive and open to letting them go on their way and not try to force the issue.

The other matter that I think is very important is that we cultivate and encourage younger people to be our friend. My dear friend Dyna that passed away last week  was the last of her siblings and her group of long time friends. I was the only friend she had left and we were 15 years apart and up until she became bed ridden, we had a lot of fun together. Seeing her dance with her walker to Tom Jones makes me smile every time I think about it. That happened about a month before she started slipping away. She was bed ridden for three months. I visited her once a week. She died five days after my last visit. Goodbye my dear sweet friend.

 

#4 Regret

July 13, 2011

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

 Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

Anne’s comments….

I have always been committed to staying in touch with my friends and some acquaintances. It has not been an easy task and sometimes I let my active life get in the way. I do my best to write handwritten letters and notes, send cards when prompted to, write e-mails, or make phone calls. I don’t make phone calls just to chat, except with a high school friend in Santa Rosa, who does not use e-mail so I’ll call once her once in awhile. I know one thing for sure if I don’t stay in touch with her, she doesn’t stay in touch with me.

I have a hard time understanding what goes on….but I do know that a lot of people do not take the initiative to stay in touch. So I strongly recommend everyone make an effort to reach out, no matter what. I even think that Facebook is better than nothing. It’s a way to connect and reconnect. Many people have found old friends on Facebook and were delighted to make the connection.

 About three months ago I realized that it had been awhile since I was in contact with a dear friend of over 20 years, who was confined to her home. She was very active in her 80’s, she was able to drive until her eyes betrayed her. She developed an eye condition that forced her to stop driving, playing golf and reading.

She was 92 in January. Her family hired a care taker……

I just remembered one of the last times I saw her before she was bedridden, I decided to bring her her favorite lunch of turkey on a croissant. She loved Tom Jones so the caretaker put on one of his records. The caretaker told me that she and my friend would dance around the living room after lunch. So I got up and started dancing and sure enough here came my friend, walker and all and the three of us danced and giggled through one song.

I did not know this but, shortly after we danced together she slowly but surely deteriorated and became bed ridden. When I finally called to let her know I wanted to come see her, her caretaker told me she no longer wanted to see anyone. She also told me that she had asked her to call me personally and tell me not to come anymore. I was devastated. 

Then I was led to write a note to her son. He called me and said, “Anne you come on over no matter what she says.” He went on to tell me he would talk with her and let her know how important it was for me to be able to visit her.

So I started visiting weekly.The first time I visited her I told her I knew she did not want me to come. I told her that there’s no way I’d stay away. I reminded her that I could be a rebel and most always did exactly what I wanted to do. That made her grin from ear to ear.What a gift! She knew I was a feisty woman. This was a trait we both shared. Always loving and kind but feisty.

I was able to tell her numerous times how much I loved her. She would smile and say I love you too. We or…. I should say…. I talked about all the things we enjoyed together. Sometimes I could tell she wanted me to be quiet. One time she said to me, “Why are you asking me so many questions?” I became more sensitive to her needs and the last couple of times I was there I let her know I was there and that I just wanted to sit with her and pray for her. The last time I saw her was on Wednesday, July 6, last week.

She passed away on Monday, July 11, 2011 in the arms of her son while her caretaker held her hand. I am so grateful I made the effort to continue seeing her and I’m sure she appreciated it a lot.

Please think about this….I don’t care how old you are, it’s never to late to make changes. Do whatever you are led to do for those people who were and or still are important to you. Those people you’ve shared your life with over the years. Reach out and see what happens. It’s a joyful way to be truly alive.

May your feet walk in holiness and your steps be ordered by your Maker. May your hands be tender and helping, blessing those in need. May your heart be humble and receptive to one another. And…may you be open to guidance and trust your inner knowing.

Love, Anne

 

More about #3 speaking our truth….

July 8, 2011

I just keep plugging along this path of awakening and making changes in my life. Progress not perfection is my goal. This morning I had an opportunity to speak my truth. The simple truth would have been enough but I added an unnecessary addendum that was not kind. I realized that I waited too long to say what needed to be said. I was trying to be patient and not let the matter bother me, big mistake on my part—when I made my request, my tone of voice and what I added to my request ended up being hurtful. As soon as possible, I apologized for my tone of voice and what I added to my request and asked for forgiveness.

It’s so important that we pay attention and not fall into the trap of being complacent about our needs and think to ourselves, “I can be patient and not let this bother me.” But….guess what it bothered me more than I realized until I watched and heard myself being mean.

Today, I can soothe my soul and gently remind myself that I’m still learning. There’s always more to learn. Always more, in more ways than one. Always!!!

 

 

 

 

July 4th 2011…..Slow Learner

Hi Everyone…..no I’m not ready to respond to Regret #4. I think I’ve given you lots to think about for now.

I’m still learning about the ins and outs of blogging. Because I lost 800 words for #3 Regret I decided to play it safe and do a draft on Appleworks. When I copied and pasted my work on the blog I lost paragraph spacing. It all ran together and I could not correct it. I think it is more difficult to read without paragraph spacing.

So I took time today to look over the site and discovered I can save my work as a draft on the blog worksheet. I hope all runs smoothly with Regret #4. Coming sometime next week.

 

Happy Independence Day and….

Remember to feed your soul…

Love and Blessings,

Anne