April 9, 2012
Step 2 – THE HEALING CONTINUES………
Step 2. Came to believe that a Power Greater than myself can restore me to sanity.
Sanity being….. “Doing something over and over again and expecting different results.”
When I left off last time I left pondering…. So what is it that I am doing over and over again, in my aging process, and expecting different results?
What came up for me as I thought about Step 2 is that it’s…. not what I’m doing over and over….it’s what I’m not doing over and over.
At this stage in my life acceptance is key. Acceptance and gratitude for what is. I need to repeatedly go to surrender and willingness so I can get to acceptance. Right now I’m not willing to accept that sometimes my joints scream at me. Right now I’m not willing to accept that I’m impatient and sometimes rude with solicitors on the phone. Right now I am not willing to accept that my hair is very dry and hard to handle. Right now I’m not willing to accept that I sometimes forget things and even get confused and confuse others in my life.
That’s the truth….right now I am not willing. But…..I am willing to be willing, to be willing, to be willing…..Right now I have to back off that far from being willing. But….I know that as I continue to let go and speak my truth, and open my heart a little bit to be willing, a time will come when my Higher Power will do for me what I seem to be unable to do for myself.
I’ve been here before. My experience is that it is enough…. for me to be willing, to be willing, to be willing, and I know that gradually, slowly but surely, I will know that willingness has arrived and I will accept what is.
Right now I can be grateful for being able to walk. I’m grateful that I have the money to see a Chiropractor….who by the way has already helped me a lot. I went to Valley Fair today and walked around for a couple of hours after going for a walk in the park and my joints did not scream, in fact they just whispered a bit. For several months, I have not be able to walk any distance at all with out being in a lot of pain. So I am truly grateful to be able to walk almost pain free.
I am also grateful that I have hair….I know women who’s hair is so thin you can see their scalp. My hair is a lot thinner but I don’t have any obvious bald spots. I’m grateful that I’m learning new ways to take care of the hair I have.
I’m grateful that when I hang up after being rude to a phone solicitor I can say, “God please forgive me…..I am powerless over my impatience but I know you will restore me to sanity. Please grant me the patience to wait and to trust that You are working in my life even when I’m acting like I’m out of my mind.
Working the steps is not a piece of cake. But I’ve had enough experience to know that even though this feels impossible, all things are possible with God!!!
Your thoughts and questions are most welcome. Please respond if you are led to.
Step 3 is next….Made a decision to turn my life and my will over to God as I understand God.
“Remember to Feed Your Soul”
With Much Love and Blessings Galore!!!