April 3, 2012
THE HEALING CONTINUES….
Yes the 12 steps filled my Spiritual Tool Box and I was on a path to recovery. Recovering for me is not a destination. Recovery for me is a process. And as long as I live I will be on this road called recovery.
We don’t ever recover from being human. If we are living life fully, we are challenged every time we turn a corner. For me it’s been like peeling an onion. Layer after layer of “stuff” to learn and grow from. As long as I look at life that way I remain hopeful, peaceful and full of joy.
So now as I look at my life, where I’ve been and where I may be going I’m able to look at the various challenges I’ve faced and walk with my head up high, my heart and mind open, trusting that this next phase will be as fruitful as the last.
I’ve had an amazing life. All my dreams came true…. all I ever dreamed about was getting married and having children. That’s where my dreams ended. I was 28 years old and had three children. I loved being a mother and a wife and all that goes with those roles….and I was living those roles fully. I really was happy right where “I was planted!”
So I went from being a wife and mother to being a widow, to being a single parent, working full time as an office manage and a sales rep. It was during this time I met Bob and married him and his five children.
It was after being married for about 5 years that my world fell apart. It was about that time that I discovered the 12 steps. Three years later I’m studying to be a minister and three years after that I’m ordained. We are now up to 1988. I spent 20 years as an associate minister. 2003 I completed my thesis and I’m awarded a Master’s in Divinity. All of this is by the Grace of God and my willingness to be led. What a Ride!!! I loved every minute of it all.
So here I am almost 78 1/2 years old and in the throws of the aging process.
Step one says for me today:
1. I am powerless over the aging process and my life is a bit unmanageable.
My life is unmanageable because some of the challenges I face are inevitable. My work today and probably for the rest of my life is trusting that a power greater than myself is and ever will be my refuge and my strength. I’ve learned if I cultivate my inner life and follow my intuition, doing what I can do, God will do for me what I am unable to do anything about.
That lead me me to step two:
2. Came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.
Restore me to sanity. I have no problem accepting this step because for me the definition of insanity is, “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
I have to think about this step for awhile regarding aging. When I worked this step with food and people it was very clear to me what it was that I kept doing over and over expecting different results. I had to challenge everything I did around food and people. Today by the Grace of God my eating is healthier. More often than not I eat three moderate meals a day with nothing in between. And….my relationships for the most part are healed. I no longer do for another what they are capable of doing for themselves. This was tricky for me because I love to help others and I still do help others I just don’t do for them what I know and can support them doing for themselves.
So what is it that I am doing over and over expecting different results.???
I need to ponder this for a few days and then I’ll continue!!!
“Remember to Feed Your Souls!!!”
With Much Love and Blessing Galore,