December 10, 2011
Yes! I’m back on track. I can truly say that I’m grateful for all that happened yesterday. I’m also grateful for the signs that healing is in progress. My arthritic body is not as painful as it was before all came crashing down yesterday and I fell into that dark hole.
I didn’t really have to fake it yesterday and although I wasn’t jumping for joy, I was content and eventually I was able to participate in life in a positive way. My grumpiness left, I was calm and easy to get along with.
So how was I able to get to that place. Well the exercise helped a lot and along with regular doses of IBP the pain in my body has subsided. I wrote in my journal before I went to the gym and then I wrote my blog telling the truth as best I could without boring you with details, about how I was behaving badly. I also shared that reading about how a wise bipolar, manic depressive worked to get out of her dark hole, inspired me to try some of what she did and it worked. Last night I talked with my daughter and my sister I told them all the gory details of my terrible morning. I told the truth about the things I was anxious about. I shared how I was projecting some negative outcomes to my fears. Shared all my stuff. There’s something very powerful that happens when we tell the truth to people we trust. People who will just listen and not offer “advise” Oh that doesn’t mean that they don’t suggest things that can be done but, they listen, share and let it all go. I used to tell my clients that I had a responsibility to tell them what came up for me when they shared their stuff with me but that’s where my responsibility and expectations ended. That’s the way my sister and daughter listen to me. They make suggestions but that’s all they are….suggestions. It’s my responsibility to filter what they say through my being and decide what to do or not do.
I’m doing a communion service at the Main Jail today and should be working on a sermon but I’m strongly led to write here for now. In the process of reading scriptures that I’ll use for today I was reminded that we can be grateful even when stuff is happening that we don’t like. Somewhere deep in our souls the Holy Spirit is at work to heal us. Waiting for us to take our baby steps to recover. Remember we do what we can do so that God will do what we can not do. The pain in my body had been very intense for weeks. Yesterday was the first day I could say it was 95% better.
This is a dark time for our planet. Oh I’m not talking about all the horrible things that are going on in the world. What I’m looking at and putting my faith in is that all the trees and most flowering plants look dead. But I know better. If they were to spout at this time, the winter weather would not let them survive. Under the ground, in the soul of the earth the Holy Spirit is working there and will provide whatever is needed for our trees and plants to grow and thrive once the weather warms up a bit. In the spring there’s more sun and light sprinkles of rain. Most conditions are perfect for the new plants to thrive.
I think, that very thing is going on inside me and you and that the light we are waiting for is at work in everything. I know there are a lot of places that it does not ever look like anything positive is happening but my faith tells me it is! I just can not see the bigger picture.
Isaiah says: As the earth brings forth its plants, and a garden makes its growth spring up, so will the Lord God make justice and praise spring up before all the nations.
In the book of Romans, Paul says,”Our body and emotions may be in turmoil but our soul can wait in joyful hope because, in all circumstances, the indwelling Holy Spirit intercedes for us “with inexpressible groanings”
These scriptures speak volumes to my faithful heart. I pray they speak to you too with whatever you are dealing with during this Advent.
We are called to be the light in the world in whatever way we know how and sometimes it takes….exercise, faking it ’til we make it, telling the truth about our short comings and trusting that the Holy Spirit is working deep within our souls to heal us in more ways than we can imagine.
Thank you for listening and know that I pray for you and me every day.
Love & Light,