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#2 Continued….

14 Jun

June 14, 2011

Once again I’m nudged to continue with #2. What I neglected to write in my last post is that along with meditation as a tool to quiet the committee in my head I used affirmations. But first I want to describe what that committee in my head sounded like and when it would attack me.

When I first became aware of this damaging force in my life, it was strongest when I woke up in the morning. The sense I had… was that it was sitting at the foot of my bed waiting to attack me before I was fully awake.

It would tell me every mistake I’d made the day before and it would critique almost everything I did during the next day. Without knowing it I’d let these thoughts in my mind rule the way I felt about myself. For many years the only way I knew to numb these thoughts and feelings was to eat too much or to eat way too little. But that’s another story for another time.

So before I could sit and meditate effectively I had to tame “the committee” in my head. So I used affirmations, scripture, memorized prayers….long prayers like the prayer of St. Francis, (Make me an Instrument of you Peace, etc). I think you get the idea. I had to force out the negative thoughts with positive thoughts and prayers. I had to be vigilant and not give up until….one day I woke up thinking, Thank you God for a new day, instead of…..Oh God it’s morning ):

Taming “the committee” has been a process that continues today. Yes, I meditate on a regular basis but I’m also vigilant about guarding the door of my mind with prayer. I now have a tool box that helps me continue to have peace of mind most of the time. If I can’t shut up the committee I call and talk with someone and share what’s going on. For me that’s a form of surrender. To reach out for help is saying I can’t do this by myself. I need help. That was very difficult for me in the beginning. I’m a do it myself kind of person…..but I’m ever so grateful for my willingness to grow and change at any cost. Today I know that all I’ve done has come together to help me be the imperfect……peaceful, loving, human being that I am today. Of myself I am nothing….with the help of God and lot of people that God works through…… here I am writing a blog.

Can you believe there was a time I could not even write a simple thank you note? My committee told me I could not write and I let those thoughts make me anxious and avoided writing anything…. anything at all for many years.

May your feet walk in holiness and

your steps be ordered by your Maker.

May your hands be tender and helping,

blessing those in need.

May your heart be humble and

receptive to one another

and to the of things your Higher Power.

Anne….Please feel free to comment and or ask questions.

 

 

 

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7 Comments

Posted by on June 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

7 responses to “#2 Continued….

  1. dianemilo

    June 14, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Oh, boy – that committee in my head has been working overtime lately! The getting up in the morning and being grateful for a new day is losing the battle to the realization of things that happened the previous day that I wish sleep would have somehow taken away.

    I don’t think I understand meditation yet. What I have been doing more frequently is eliminating distractions and noise (have drastically reduced TV time and listening to music time lately), and use at least some available time each day for contemplation. I think through things that have happened that day or recently and try to focus on how those things have made me feel and what, if anything, I need to do about them. It seems to be helping me to be more honest with myself about the emotions I am feeling. It doesn’t quiet the committee – if anything, it seems to be more vocal now than ever before, but I think I didn’t pay enough attention to it before.

    The asking for help is another big change for me. I have come to trust and rely on a few people in my life recently, which is something I simply didn’t do before. I just did my best to deal with everything on my own. It’s very comfortiing to have people you can turn to who are not judgmental and are truly there to care about you and love you. Definitely a positive change for me.

    Thanks for continuing your thoughts on this article.

     
    • revwelker@sbcglobal.net

      June 14, 2011 at 9:36 pm

      Hi Diane,

      I think what you is doing is wonderful. Contemplation is a wonderful tool also. I do both depending on what I’m led to do.

      Being honest with yourself is key. Reaching out to people you trust is like I said, a act of surrendering to what is I the process your in a better place to let it go and even to accept what is as well, which diminishes it’s power.

      You are right on track for progress in your life.

      love
      anne

       
  2. Nalini

    June 14, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Dearest Anne,

    I love this and your deep sharing of your personal process through the “committee” and surrendering in prayer as well as reaching out and calling a friend!
    Beautiful reminder for me today!!
    Lots of love and blessings!
    Nalini

     
    • revwelker

      June 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Nalini,

      I’m deeply honored that you are supported on your spiritual life from what God chooses to write through me.
      I’m just an instrument, as you well know. You are serving me as well.
      Thank you for your love, your support and encouragement.
      Anne

       
      • Barbara Reynolds

        June 16, 2011 at 5:48 am

        So, I will say it’s awkward that I can’t typically respond to posts during the workday. Once I’ve left for work at about 6:20 in the morning, I really don’t have an opportunity to post personal things online until I’m home again at 7:00 or so. So I always feel like I’m a half-day behind everyone else and whatever I have to say is old news…

        But I understand the “committee.” Boy, do I. I never know which voice to listen to, so sometimes I just drown them all out with some classical music on my iPod. Isn’t it funny that only multiple voices (chorus, orchestra) will drown out the committee? A solo voice won’t do it for me… And I wish that I was a morning person, but trying to meditate in the morning would be counter-productive for me. I’m trying some of what you and I have discussed about setting aside time to think — in the evening — and I’ll let you know how that goes. More to come on “asking for help” as well.

        Thanks for continuing to write here. I think we all appreciate your thoughts —

        Love,
        Barbara

         
  3. Cecilia

    June 30, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Dearest Anne,
    What a treat to read your beautiful writing. You have touched me many times and reading these helps me connect to you and my God.

    I read what you wrote about working too hard and especially wanting more from myself than I can produce at this point in my life and that really helped.

    Last week my sponse’s partner committed suicide. She was 38 years old and had the charisma to change your heart in just a few conversations. She was loved by so many and yet couldn’t feel the love that was given. She died on Friday and there have been over 650 posts on the funeral web page. How are minds and committees can distort the truth!

    I am also grateful to be reminded of meditation. I was with you many times when you taught us meditation and I have gotten away from it.

    All my love,
    Cecilia

     
    • revwelker

      June 30, 2011 at 1:15 pm

      Thank you Cecilia,

      Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I’m grateful to be able to use a fairly new gift of writing this way.
      I have sweet memories of when I came to stay with you and led an O.A. Meditation Retreat.
      I pray you get into the habit of spending time with God in meditation.

      Love
      Anne

       

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