June 10, 2010
I being nudged to think and write more about regret #2. I’m not sure how to write about what is bugging me so I may ramble a bit before it comes to me.
There have been times when I’ve driven myself too hard. Pressured from inside to do more and to move faster and faster.
No one as far as I know suffered except me. Oh my…. this thought just came to me, I think my behavior probably was annoying to people around me because I would become impatient if someone got in my way of my doing what I wanted to do. Oh, oh I think I’m on to something.
When I had colon cancer surgery 20 years ago…..yes I’m a 20 year survivor… Thank you God!!!….I had to have an irreversible colostomy. I did not ask, “Why me Lord?” No… I asked, “What do I do now and… what is this saying about me and my life? I hung out with that question for a long time and the answer I eventually got was….”Don’t be so anal Anne!!!” “Lighten up girl, play a little, take time to smell the roses, read more, sing more, dance more, enjoy life, take a few risks and see what happens.!!!
Developing and setting boundaries for myself was in process. I could say yes or I could say no and mean it. Sometimes I had to say no….think about it and then decide if I wanted to say yes. But more was revealed.
I needed to set a firmer boundary with the committee in my mind. I needed to train myself to ignore it and eventually shut it up completely.
Well that boundary is firmly in place now because…..I am pretty faithful to a daily practice of meditation. Sometimes for 5 min….other times much longer. I’ve been meditating for about 40 years but more regularly in the last 29 years. In the beginning I could not sit still for even 5 minutes but little by little it grabbed me and now if I miss a day or two I yearn for the quiet and the profound Peace that comes over me in this state of mind.
Meditation is very simple. Here’s the way I do it most of the time. I sit erect in a cushioned chair that allows me to put my feet flat on the floor in front of me. I take a couple of deep breaths to relax my body and then I simply pay attention to my breath going in and out of my nostrils. If my mind wanders I just notice it, no criticism, no judgement, I just notice it and return to watching and feeling my breath going in and out of my nostrils.
WOW, I had no idea what I was going to write and am astounded how the muse takes over and spills my guts. Thank you for listening….
Blessings of Peace, Love and Joy,
Give meditation a go and see what happens for you.